HOW Our Embryos Were Frozen – WHY We Were Not Able To Fly Them Home
It never really crossed my mind to ask HOW our embryos were frozen. It was just part of the deal. Go through IVF, have your embryos genetically tested, your embryos are frozen and stored, then do a frozen embryo transfer when you’re ready. It wasn’t until we moved home to NY that I NEEDED this…
Our Frozen Embryos Must Stay in Kansas City
Remember my last post? You know, the one where we were so excited to fly our frozen embryos home to NY? Well, it didn’t pan out as we had hoped. We were ready to make the payment to Cryostork, and pick the date of their flight, when everything stopped. I received a call from the…
Flying Our Frozen Embryos Home
Flying Our Frozen Embryos Home – After much consideration, we have decided to fly our 3 beautiful frozen embryos from Kansas City, home to Buffalo, NY! We have been going back and forth… IF we decide to do another transfer, would we be flying to Kansas City together for the transfer, or find a new…
Sometimes the Clouds Come Back
Sometimes the Clouds Come Back – Find the one who will always be that hand on your shoulder, the one who deeply cares, the one who encourages you and fights for you and fights with you. Whoever that is, lean on them. Cry with them. Be angry with them. But most importantly, LISTEN TO THEM.…
Pure Joy
Pure Joy – I took one look at my sweet baby nephew, and I felt PURE JOY! It was the most incredible feeling. There he was, this precious little baby, and I FELT HAPPY. I FELT CALM! I FELT SO IN LOVE! And then I felt sad that I couldn’t have this with my baby.…
Are You Going to Have Any More?
Are You Going to Have Any More? My stomach was suddenly in knots. My brain started swirling through all of the horrible things we had been through just to get one. I was just bragging about my perfect 2 year old toddler and showed off her picture. Then she asked so innocently and with loads…
This is Your Brain When Trying to Conceive
This is Your Brain When Trying to Conceive….It is such an extreme mind fuck. Anyone else feel like your brain was constantly running in overdrive when trying to conceive? This was me multiplied by 10 years plus. Talk about living with depression. It was this extreme torture every single month when it just didn’t happen.…
Ovarian Stimulation Phase
Ovarian Stimulation Phase… What a strange feeling this was. Everyone talks about the injections and being scared of the needles. I had NO PROBLEMS AT ALL with this. I did most of the shots myself while my husband stood by my side. I liked being in control and knowing exactly when I would feel the…
What to Expect During IVF
What to Expect During IVF…. Overwhelming much?! You can read more about our first official office visit here. It was IVF time! I so clearly remember hearing everything the nurse was saying, but then panicking…it went right in one ear and out of the other. I remember nodding my head and saying “yes, ok, uh…
Find Your Escape, Find Your Distraction
Find Your Escape, Find Your Distraction… It’s easy to get wrapped up in the negativity of all things IVF. It’s easy to think that the universe is against you in every way. For me, it seemed like it was one bad thing after another. We were on this insane emotional rollercoaster. We couldn’t catch a…
I’ve Heard It All
I’ve Heard It All…. AND MORE! I could keep adding and adding, but I think you get the picture. It is NOT OK to say these things to someone who does not have a child. It is NOT OK to ask these questions. It doesn’t matter if someone you know just got married, or had…
I Know Someone Who…
I Know Someone Who…. I can’t even tell you how many times during our IVF Journey I’ve heard people tell me that their friend of a friend of a friend who tried to get pregnant for a few months went on vacation….. and then they came home and found out they were pregnant! WOW! It’s…
Searching All Night
Anyone else? I would search and search all night long trying to find other IVF stories. I wanted to know it all. Did it work? How did it feel? What is going to happen to me next? I needed more information. There wasn’t enough out there, so I started my IVF Journey Blog, titled, “IVF?WTF!”…
The Money Question
How do you even begin to wrap your head around the outstanding costs associated with IVF? That extreme overwhelming feeling that there is no way in hell you can possibly ever afford to have a baby is intense. It took us 10 years to decide whether or not to jump in. I am SO GLAD…
Tips on How I Fought Through My Postpartum Depression
With most of the US under quarantine due to COVID-19, I felt like I had to share some ways that helped me fight through my Postpartum Depression that you can still implement under quarantine. Fighting through it can be made worse with the fear and uncertainty that a lot of people are feeling. 1 -…
Postpartum Depression
*I’m writing this 8 months after my daughter was born. Postpartum Depression. It happened. Is this a nightmare? How could this be? I’ve waited for over 10 years for my sweet baby! I had this MENTAL MISFIRE. I couldn’t function. Everything was a blur. I cried and cried for no reason. Here I was, FINALLY…
Gestational Diabetes
Well, I failed the 3 hr. glucose test. FAILED. I HATE that word. It makes me feel so terrible, like I’ve done something horrible. Couldn’t they eliminate that word? I already felt like shit for having Gestational Diabetes. Way to make it worse. I was so upset to get this news. What did this mean…
3 Hour Glucose Test
**I wrote this post in real-time in May, 2018. Today is the day I have to go in and have my blood drawn 4 times in 3 hours to see if I have Gestational Diabetes. I failed the 1 hour test. I thought I was nervous for that one. Try waiting for 3 hours WITH…
The 1 Hour Glucose Test
The dreaded glucose test. I’ve been freaking out about this for a while now. I certainly do not want to have gestational diabetes, but it’s best to know for sure. I was NOT looking forward to drink the nasty sugar drink that I’ve heard about. It sounds terrible and I didn’t want to throw up…
Every Time I Wipe
Every single time I wipe, I have to look. I am terrified to find blood, I am terrified to lose this baby. I started writing this months ago, Nothing has changed. I’m 32 weeks pregnant, I still look every single time. We have a healthy singleton, But think about the twin we lost EVERY SINGLE…
Silly Reasons Why I've Cried Since Becoming Pregnant
I want to write a light post after all of the sadness we’ve been through. Here are some silly reasons why I’ve cried since becoming pregnant: * I HATE the smell of our dishwasher pucks. * I HATE the smell of our laundry detergent. * I HATE the smell of all cleaning products. * A…
1 Heartbeat
We are devastated. We went in for our 8 week OB appointment and found out that we lost one of the twins. I feel so so alone. I am so extremely sad, but also glad that our other little one is doing OK for now. During our OB visit, she grabbed the hand-held sonogram machine…
Our 6 Week Scan – TWINS
**I am currently pregnant with ONE baby. After the 5 week scare, we felt relieved that our babies were still in there. I can’t bring myself to calm down about it, though. I know that a miscarriage can happen at any time. I don’t think I’ll ever feel at ease with this pregnancy. The bleeding…
The 5 Week Scare
**I am currently 14 weeks with a singleton** As many of you know, I had a miscarriage last year. It was devastating and I still think about it every single day. I woke up on Monday morning at 4am with blood on the sheets. I ran to the bathroom and started bawling my eyes out.…
Hiding From the In-Laws
**I am currently 13 weeks The day after we found out that we were pregnant, my in-laws came into town for Thanksgiving! I was so excited to see them. They haven’t visited in a while, and it would be nice to have some family around. My hubby and I had decided at the very beginning…
The BFP (Big Fat Positive!!!!!)
**I am currently 12 weeks** Well, it finally happened! We are pregnant! I’ve been trying to plan for my blog posts to align with when I am telling everyone. Some of my Twitter followers already know this news, but I didn’t want to share with everyone until we had that 12 week scan. Once again,…
Transfer Day – 3rd Time's A Charm? Hoping For Our Rainbow Baby.
3rd time’s a charm, right? We are hoping for our RAINBOW baby! For those of you who are not familiar with the term, a rainbow baby is a baby that is born after a miscarriage. The rainbow signifies hope around the world for those who have suffered a loss. We went in excited, nervous, and…
The Endometrial Scratch (AKA Endometrial Biopsy)
I was so nervous when I arrived at my clinic. I had to leave my place at 6am to get there by 7am. I ate a PopTart and took 3 Advil to prepare for the scratch. From all that I’ve read, I heard that it would hurt. My RE warned me that it will be…
I Am NOT Looking Forward To…
What an interesting twister of emotions. We went into our WTF appointment (Where you can read about what our newest protocol is) thinking we probably wouldn’t try again for a while, to wanting to try again in the next couple of months. My RE seemed so positive and uplifting. We are so lucky to have…
I HATE Estrogen Patches
This post will be short, but I have something to say, I HATE Estrogen Patches, I wear 3 a day. I’m allergic you see, to the stupid glue, Yes, I’m serious, this is all true. They make me itch, and burn my skin, I feel like I can never win. I knew that I was…
Jury Duty?? While on FET Hormones??
I can’t believe I forgot to write a post about my Jury Duty summons! I think I mentioned it, but didn’t go into detail. This all went down when trying for a FET in the summer. Back when every time I filled my body with hormones, I’d get my raging period. Back when we had…
Our WTF Appointment
I’ve heard this online, but never really looked it up. The WTF appointment is just what is sounds like: What the fuck happened? Why didn’t the transfer work? What did I do wrong? What’s next? We now found ourselves having to schedule it. Luckily, we didn’t have to wait very long, just a few weeks.…
The BFN (Big Fat Negative)
This hurts. Our 2nd FET try was a BIG FAT NEGATIVE. I was in shock, because I was certain that I was pregnant. I had all the symptoms: I was STARVING, I craved burritos and fries, my boobs were sore, I was feeling things in my uterus. Unfortunately, these are all also signs of that…
Progesterone in Oil (PIO)
***I AM NOT A DOCTOR. SPEAK TO YOUR DOCTOR/NURSE BEFORE TAKING YOUR PIO SHOT. THIS IS WHAT MY NURSE SHOWED ME*** FINALLY, the day had come. After the whole summer of cancelled FET’s and having to be on Lupron for an entire month, I couldn’t believe we made it to this point! We were at…
Our 2nd FET Attempt
After being on Lupron for the past month, my RE started me on my new FET protocol right away. I would not have to wait for my period to come and to take birth control this time. This time we went right into putting the 3 Estrogen patches on (switching out every other day) PLUS…
Lupron Side Effects: Week 4
* To find out why I had to have the Lupron shot and how I felt on the first day of the shot, click here. * To see how I felt on my first week on Lupron, click here. * To see how I felt on my second week on Lupron, click here. * To…
Lupron Side Effects: Week 3
* To find out why I had to have the Lupron shot and how I felt on the first day of the shot, click here. * To see how I felt on my first week on Lupron, click here. * To see how I felt on my second week on Lupron, click here. Wow, I…
Lupron Side Effects: Week 2
* To find out why I had to have the Lupron shot and how I felt on the first day of the shot, click here. * To see how I felt on my first week on Lupron, click here. Here we go, I’m on week 2 of the Lupron shot. I’ll be as detailed as…
Lupron Side Effects: Week 1
To find out why I had to have the Lupron shot and how I felt on the day I had the shot, click here. Here is how I feel on Day 2: 1.) I woke up with slight flu-like symptoms. When I say slight, I mean it really isn’t bad at all. I don’t know…
The Lupron Shot
After having to cancel 3 FET transfers, my doctor thought it would be best to try a 1 month round of Lupron. Every time I started the vaginal Estradiol estrogen pills, plus 3 patches of estrogen every other day, I would get my raging period within 2 weeks. My uterine lining would not thicken and…
Cancelled FETs x 3
I am so so frustrated. Here’s what’s been happening: School was ending and it was the PERFECT time for a FET. Finally after waiting so long after my Laparoscopic Myomectomy, it was time. I would have no stresses and I could just relax for a few months before going back to work. I was put…
I Got Fucking SHINGLES
SHINGLES. WHAT THE FUUUUUCK. A couple of months after my laparoscopic myomectomy, I started to feel “rashy”. I don’t know how else to explain it. I had this really gross cluster of small blisters between my right fingers. I thought it was just eczema at first or maybe some sort of athletes foot fungus on…
My Laparoscopic Myomectomy
A couple of weeks after my miscarriage, my RE wanted to have an MRI done on my uterus. I had a really heavy period the month after, and she wanted to see if there was another cause for the miscarriage. The MRI was really strange. I didn’t feel claustrophobic like I thought I would, but…
The Miscarriage
Traumatic. I still cannot believe this happened to us. It is so so hard to write about this, but I know that sharing my story will help break the silence. I am not alone. We are not alone. But I still feel so alone. Millions of women have miscarriages. No one talks about it. I…
Our First 2 Week Wait (2WW)
Warning: My story is sad I was instructed to stay in bed for 3 days. I was so cozy and comfortable in our room. I watched a lot of TV and read a lot. On the 3rd day I felt INTENSE cramping. I was moaning and breathing heavily. I thought for sure I was about…
Our Fist Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET)
Finally, it was time for our FET! First, they put me on the birth control pill. I had to follow a strict calendar and stop them on a specific day. I had to go in for a saline sonogram to make sure that everything looked good for a transfer. For whatever reason, it hurt SO…
Genetic Testing
We decided to send our frozen embryos out for Pre-Implantation Genetic Screening (PGS) in order to improve our success rates. Boy, was I glad. I didn’t know this when we decided to have this done, but I needed the time to recover. There was no way that I could have ever done a fresh IVF…
Our Frozen Embies!
Throughout the chaos of my Egg Collection and my HORRENDOUS recovery, we found out how many future babies we had developing into embryos! This made the whole experience worth it. The recovery was awful, but the result was amazing. First of all, I had no idea what to expect. I feel like I should…
My HIDEOUS IVF Egg Collection Recovery
Warning: My recovery was NOT pretty. After the egg collection, I was woozy for a bit and I was ready to get home. I got dressed and the nurse wheeled me down to the car. I was told to drink TONS of Gatorade and to eat a lot of protein and salt. They said I…
Egg Collection Time!
I was SO READY to get these eggs out of me! I felt so full and uncomfortable, and it was getting hard to eat and even hard to breath normally. We got to the doctor’s office, signed in and had a seat. I could barely stand sitting, and it seemed like the longest wait ever.…
IVF Time!
Well, here we go! I’m about to dive into our IVF journey. My Reproductive Endocrinologist is awesome. Before we started IVF, she thoroughly explained everything about what was going to happen with us. She even showed us an in-depth Powerpoint presentation. I need visuals and I felt better about the whole process. The office visit:…
The Big Decision to Start IVF
IVF is something that we had talked about for many years. I felt kind of strange about the whole thing. Pregnancy is supposed to be natural, it should just happen. But when things weren’t “just happening”, I started to change my mind. I always thought I would get pregnant on a whim. Knowing that I…
IVF? WTF!
Here I am, starting this blog on our 12th wedding anniversary. I’m 34 years old. We didn’t seek out IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) until last year. I’d like to share my experiences with IVF and FETs (Frozen Embryo Transfer). I would search for hours and hours typing questions in Google in hopes of finding someone…
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IVF?WTF! 