I Am NOT Looking Forward To…

What an interesting twister of emotions. We went into our WTF appointment (Where you can read about what our newest protocol is) thinking we probably wouldn’t try again for a while, to wanting to try again in the next couple of months. My RE seemed so positive and uplifting. We are so lucky to have found her.

The second we left, we talked about if we should tell anyone or not. The answer was NO. We were not going to tell ANYONE. We want the chance to have a secret pregnancy like every other human who can conceive naturally.

Well, I received my newest FET protocol a few days ago. It’s so so hard. I go between being excited and being terrified. Doesn’t this baby deserve the same amount of excited feelings as our first try? It has so work this time. IT HAS TO!

So, I received the e-mail on Friday at 2:30pm on October 6th. I opened up the document and the first thing I noticed was that it said to take my last birth control pill on October 1st. OCTOBER FIRST. It was October 6th! I e-mailed my clinic immediately and asked what I should do. I also called to make sure someone would get my message since it was a Friday before a Monday holiday off. No one answered me.

I went straight into panic mode. I broke down crying. Why the fuck can’t anything just go smoothly for once!? JUST ONCE!!! What the fuck should I do? Well, I figured if I was supposed to stop it on the 1st, I should just stop taking the pill now and they would have to adjust all of the rest of my dates.

Have I mentioned how amazing my husband is through this all? He was so sweet and reassuring that everything would be fine and they would figure it out. He knows how to really calm me down when I am thinking the worst.

I received an e-mail back on Monday that it was supposed to say October 10th, NOT the 1st. I was so upset. Like WHAT THE FUUUCKKKK. She said to just take a pill for the next two days and then continue to follow my new protocol. CRIPES! I just want to cry for all of the panicking I did for nothing.


#1: I am NOT looking forward to getting my period.

#2: I am NOT looking forward to having the Endometrial scratch and saline sonogram.

#3: I am NOT looking forward to shoving Estradiol pills up my hoo-hah again 3x a day.

#4: I am NOT looking forward to wearing 3 Estrogen patches making me crazy.

#5: I am NOT looking forward to the Progesterone in Oil (PIO) shots every night.

#6: I am NOT looking forward to the emotional roller coaster that we are riding that is about to get even more emotional.

#7: I am NOT looking forward to the next 2 week wait.

#8: I am NOT looking forward to that dreaded phone call to tell me whether or not it worked.

I feel very overwhelmed, but also ready to try again. There are so many things for me to worry about even before the transfer, it is just so exhausting.

This HAS to work this time. It HAS TO.


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