Are You Going to Have Any More?

Are You Going to Have Any More? My stomach was suddenly in knots. My brain started swirling through all of the horrible things we had been through just to get one.

I was just bragging about my perfect 2 year old toddler and showed off her picture. Then she asked so innocently and with loads of excitement. First, I was mad. Why did she have to ask and throw me into a complete spiral of emotions?!

I had to think fast about the answer I was going to give this complete stranger. I could have revealed that we had to go through IVF, but I wasn’t in the mood for a conversation about it. I panicked and lied, “Oh, she’s a handful right now. I don’t know, maybe one day, ha!”

What I was really thinking was….YES WE WANT ANOTHER BABY, BUT you have NO IDEA all of the heartache, all of the hormones, all of the injections and let’s not forget the money!

What if it doesn’t work? What if we have twins again and lose one or both? I don’t think my heart could handle another miscarriage.

We have talked with our Reproductive Endocrinologist about a possible transfer, but we would have to fly to Kansas City and coordinate with a clinic here in Buffalo to do all of the scans and ultrasounds. So, do we have our precious embryos transferred to a clinic here since we would have to be involved with one anyways? What if something happens to them in transit? We won’t go through the initial IVF process again.

How do I leave the doctor who saved my life and discovered my endometriosis when no other doctor would listen. She gave us our sweet baby. I don’t trust very many doctors to listen and understand like she did. There aren’t many doctors who would hug me and let me cry and cry and talk me through our miscarriages like she did.

We have 3 beautiful frozen embryos left. 3 potential babies. There is SO MUCH involved for us to have another…oh and I’ll be 38 in November.

Anyone else in the same boat?


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